Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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