if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
MIDGETS
????
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
