She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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