So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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