walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
