It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
