sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
