i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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