I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
