just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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