I need help removing her.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
