Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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