I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
