i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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