hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dear god my vagina.
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