I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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