So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
