Got a toothbrush?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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