He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
