I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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