I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
