ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
