And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
