I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
