What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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