It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
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Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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