I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
