I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
