Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
