also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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