dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
