Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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