So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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