so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
