I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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