ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We are all done wearing pants today
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
