She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
