Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
