Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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