I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
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I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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