DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
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We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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