Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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