I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
