Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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