Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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