Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
