In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
