Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Enjoy the penises
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
