A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
