At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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