Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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