Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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