He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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