I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Reggie can tackle my bush.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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