After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
