it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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