Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
