life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
