Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
