I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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