And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
