Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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