I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
