I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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