we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
