this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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