Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
