We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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