I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
