The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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