I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm just crazy horny about you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
