I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Small penises have feelings too.
4 words: hood of his car
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
