So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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