So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
