My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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