She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
