Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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