You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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